I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
