in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
