u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
