the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
