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i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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