remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
