Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
