I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
