hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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