Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
