she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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