pedialite and red bull = repair kit
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I FOUND THE LEGS
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
