i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
worst night to have a conscience
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
