this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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