I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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