i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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