help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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