is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.