it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara