dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.