There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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