Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
