Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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