Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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