i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
