Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
