so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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