actually, I'm a sock model
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
