Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
