if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
