p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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