Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
