Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
