I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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