You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
