No stitches, just platelets and will power
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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