update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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