I puked a lego.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
