my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
