; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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