so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
