I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
