Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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