textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
40s are totally the cure
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
