This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
