Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
