My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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