Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
