screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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