why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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