i think my tv is drunk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
