Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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