she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
