He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
