Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
