Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
