Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
