I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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