someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
