So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
