My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
