we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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