also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
