Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
