u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
