I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
