also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
