Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
